ARSENE Wenger has ordered Theo Walcott to legally change his name to ‘Theo Walcott Bitcoin’, it has been confirmed.
After it was recently revealed that Walcott is surplus to requirements at Arsenal, with interest coming from Premier League clubs Southampton and Everton, Wenger confirmed Walcott’s last official act as an Arsenal player will be to change his name.
Wenger claims the idea came to him while browsing through disparaging social media comments about himself.
He said: “I was scrolling through the usual “Wenger out” comments on Facebook and adding people to my list, when I saw a comment from a seemingly poor, uneducated warehouse worker from Stoke boasting about his vast Bitcoin wealth and how companies were significantly increasing their share price by simply adding ‘Bitcoin’ to their name.
“So, I thought, ‘if they can do it, why can’t I do it with my players’? When Theo legally changes his name, I estimate his value will skyrocket from £20million to around £368,428,975.”
It has been reported that a large percentage of the transfer fee will be used to fund the development of a state-of-the-art, armoured exoskeleton for Jack Wilshere.