"I haven't been able to live the life I want to live", says man paid over $100m for throwing a ball

August 25, 2019

After his shock retirement announcement, 29-year-old Indianapolis Colts quarterback Andrew Luck assured fans his injuries have stopped him enjoying the millions and millions of dollars he's made for throwing a ball around.

The native Texan, who reportedly resides in a lowly $2.3million townhouse a stone's throw away from the Colts' Lucas Oil Stadium, made the revelation in a press conference following the Colts' pre-season game against the Chicago Bears.

 

"It's been really tough. Those fans booing me after the game don't know how hard I've got it. I have to retire at 29 and only have like $100million to last me for the rest of my life.

 

"And believe me, no amount of money in the world could make someone enjoy living in Indianapolis", Luck continued.

 

"The water smells like shit, the people smell worse and their favorite thing to do is watch a bunch of other rednecks drive around in a circle once a year at the Indy 500. Really. And what am I supposed to spend the money on? Corn? So, I'm retiring."

 

Please join us in thinking of Andrew in this trying time.


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