Juventus staff still cleaning Man Utd fans' ejaculate from seats following Ronaldo celebration

November 8, 2018

A MASSIVE clean up operation is taking place at the Allianz Stadium, home of Juventus F.C., after Cristiano Ronaldo caused Manchester United fans to simultaneously ejaculate all over their seats after lifting his shirt after scoring against his former club.

Ronaldo scored the first goal of the match for the Italian side with a stunning volley off a deep cross from Leonardo Bonucci. But surprisingly, the loudest and most passionate celebrations came from the away fans, still desperately longing for the Portuguese star to return to Old Trafford after what they view as a nine-year loan stint.

 

The Red Devils though, perhaps dying to impress supporters that had clearly travelled all the way to Italy to see Ronaldo rather than them, would go on to steal the victory, scoring two goals in the dying minutes to beat the Italian champions.

 

Apart from the loss, it appeared to be like any other game. The fans would go home, and the stadium would be cleaned in time for the Serie A champions' next game.

 

But upon reaching the away section the club's cleaning staff were horrified to find that the seating area was flooded, not with water or beer, but stale, Mancunian semen.

 

We caught up with Chris Allen, a lifelong United fan with seemingly no regrets about his sticky white accident:

 

"I couldn't contain myself. None of us could. I know he just scored against us, but it's Cristiano Ronaldo. Did you even see those chiseled abs? He could bicycle kick my wife into the Rochdale Canal and I'd still want him back at the club.

 

"Wish I hadn't been wearing my Ronaldo 07/08 kit though. It's ruined now."

 

One of the poor cleaners tasked with mopping up the gooey mess at the Old Lady's home was as confused as she was disgusted:

 

"I'd understand more if it happened when they'd won the game, but they were losing, for Christ's sake, and the player they're so obsessed with just scored against them AND celebrated like it was any other game...

 

"You could actually smell the desperation on the seats. He's not coming back. It's been almost 10 years. Get over it already. And next time, bring some tissues at least."

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