Cricket fans were stunned today when it emerged that England cricketer and BBC Sports Personality of the Year 2019 Ben Stokes actually has a personality, albeit a really shit one.
The 28-year-old clashed with a fan during England's fourth test match against South Africa in Johannesburg, and after a fan had allegedly called him a "ginger c***" and, even worse, compared him to Ed Sheeran, the all-rounder was caught on camera reporting with "come and say it to me outside of the ground you f***ing four-eyed c***", much to the bemusement of the BBC, which issued a statement after the match:
"The BBC is disappointed to learn that the man we awarded with the prestigious title of Sports Personality of the Year has actually developed a personality.
"Ordinarily, we pick the most dour, dry, charismatic vacuum of a person to win the award, just to play it safe in case we give the award to someone who's likely to do something idiotic and make us look bad, like that Jimmy Savile fellow. So to hear our latest charge has gone out and actually displayed some human emotion is just dreadful.
"The BBC is currently considering its options, but our immediate thought is to take the award away and give it to someone even more boring, like Lewis Hamilton, or maybe even Andy Murray again, though even he's displayed some real character and a bit of humour of late, which is disturbing."
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