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Bielsa planning to attack opponents with sneezing powder

Leeds United manager Marco Bielsa is plotting to spike his team’s opponents with sneezing powder, following an FA announcement that sneezing or coughing on an opponent will result in a straight red card next season.

"Marco pays incredible attention to detail," explained a club insider. "And what with his extensive knowledge of opposition training grounds, he believes it's possible to breach the opposition laundry rooms and spike their kits with sneezing powder next year, without technically breaking any rules.

"It's alright just snooping about in the bushes when you're in the Championship, but if you wanna play with the big boys, you need to go that one step further. And for Leeds, that one step further means poisoning other teams' players in order to induce an allergic reaction.

"And if anyone's got a problem with that, Marco has a three hour PowerPoint presentation on why he actually doesn’t need to do it at all."

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