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Could Lionel Messi be heading to Man Utd?

With the transfer window open once again and Manchester United looking to bolster their squad, could Lionel Messi be heading to Manchester to join the Red Devils?

No, you silly twat. Of course he isn't. Why do you even entertain these insane rumours? Why on earth would he leave sunny Spain where he's spent his entire career being worshipped like a God to go to a dull, rain-soaked shithole like Manchester? To play with Phil Jones and Jesse Lingard? Be realistic.

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