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Liverpool fans dusting off books of excuses, just in case

Following a familiar string of disappointing results, wary Liverpool fans everywhere are dusting off their trusty books of excuses to prepare for the possibility of the club letting another Premier League title bid slip away.

The Merseyside club had been in contention for a quadruple having already won the Club World Cup in December, before losing the first leg of their Champions League clash with Atlético Madrid, suffering a 3-0 hammering at the hands of Watford in their first Premier League loss of the season and, most recently, a 2-0 defeat to Chelsea which sent them crashing out of the FA Cup.

And now, Liverpool fans everywhere are preparing for the worst, reminding themselves of the reliable excuses employed in years past.

"Haven't had to use this for a while", said lifelong Reds fan Andy Lloyd, opening an encyclopedia like leather-bound book entitled 'It Wasn't Our Year'.

"Every Liverpool fan has one of these; it's like our bible. But I think mine is extra special. I started it in 1993 and have been adding to it ever since, but I chucked it in the attic in December because I was so sure this was our year. I've seen it all before, so it thought I'd do a bit of a refresher now we're f***ing it up again.

"It's packed with every completely legitimate reason we've ever had for not winning the league, like when we were focusing on the Champions League last year, or when Chelsea maliciously over-watered the pitch at Stamford Bridge to make Gerrard slip, or when we were focusing on the League Cup in 2012. They're all here.

"I've got a few more at the ready for this year, just in case. For instance, but for Manchester City cheating the Financial Fair Play rules we'd have at least three titles. Also, the Club World Cup obviously drained our players. The scheduling is a disgrace."

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