Toilet roll shortage mostly due to Tyson Fury's masturbation habits

Toilet roll shortages in the UK believed to be a response to coronavirus fears are actually being caused by Tyson Fury's incessant masturbation, it has emerged.


Initial reports indicated that the toilet roll shortage currently plaguing the United Kingdom were linked to fears of coronavirus, as other countries such as Australia had reported a similar trend.


But now it has been suggested that the source of the crisis is actually British boxer and heavyweight champion of the world, Tyson Fury.


Fury, who became the newly crowned WBC heavyweight champion of the world after stopping Deontay Wilder in the seventh round of their blockbuster rematch last month, claimed in the buildup to the fight that he had been masturbating seven times a day to keep his testosterone levels up.


And after winning the fight comfortably, Fury is said to have tripled his efforts, believing it to be a crucial factor in his impressive performance. Disgruntled shoppers struggling to find rolls in any of their local supermarkets have called on the fighter to curb his meetings with the one-eyed serpent and reduce his sessions to a healthy one per day, or at least just use one of his socks instead.

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