Streets flood with ejaculate as Premier League return announced
Flood warnings are in place across Britain after the announcement of a Premier League return date caused millions of men to simultaneously ejaculate.
After the Premier League announced matches would resume on 17 June, football fans everywhere are said to have blown their loads, instantly releasing two months' worth of backed up testosterone and man juice and causing serious damage to homes.
Merseyside is the worst hit due to excitable Liverpool fans literally bursting with joy upon realising the Premier League title is all but secured.
Some streets are reportedly completely submerged in spunk and residents have been advised to reach higher ground or evacuate their homes entirely.
One savvy scouser was spotted making the most of the disaster by kayaking in the salty stream, until it hardened in the sun and his paddle got stuck.
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