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Mourinho visited by three ghosts on Christmas Day, still a miserable bastard

Former Manchester United manager Jose Mourinho is said to have been visited by three spirits on Christmas Day in an attempt to stop him being a miserable, grinchy old son of a bitch.

The ghosts whisked the Portuguese manager away on a torrid and gloomy journey through his past, present and future.

First, he was taken to the scenes of old press conferences and bust-ups with former players, examples of the arrogance and cantankerousness that led to his sackings at Chelsea and Manchester United.

Next, he was taken to the homes of Paul Pogba, Alexis Sanchez and his successor Ole Gunnar Solskjaer, all enjoying the festive season and revelling in United's recent resurgence since the 'Special One' was sent packing from Old Trafford.

Finally, the supposed Ghost of Christmas Future showed Mourinho the terrifying years to come if he didn't change his cranky ways: a brief stint at Stoke, an unsuccessful return to Sporting Lisbon ending in yet another player revolt and a bitter sacking, and finally, an uneventful winding down of his career at MLS side Houston Dynamo before fading into obscurity.

But sadly, the Scrooge experience did nothing for stubborn old Jose; he dismissed each ghost by ranting and raving about respect and his previous achievements until each one gave in and disappeared. Mourinho would wake up in his bed perhaps even more miserable than before

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