
Fans DISGUSTED as Arsenal reach Europa League Final without dramatic comeback
Arsenal were booed off the pitch at the Mestalla Stadium tonight after boring their travelling fans to tears with a comprehensive victory over Valencia to reach the Europa League Final. The North London club, already ahead a disappointing 3-1 on aggregate after the first leg, looked as if they might attempt to go behind and recreate the incredible, dramatic comebacks of Liverpool and Tottenham in their respective Champions League semi-finals when they conceded in the 11th min

Mourinho visited by three ghosts on Christmas Day, still a miserable bastard
Former Manchester United manager Jose Mourinho is said to have been visited by three spirits on Christmas Day in an attempt to stop him being a miserable, grinchy old son of a bitch. The ghosts whisked the Portuguese manager away on a torrid and gloomy journey through his past, present and future. First, he was taken to the scenes of old press conferences and bust-ups with former players, examples of the arrogance and cantankerousness that led to his sackings at Chelsea and M

Chelsea ban 40,567 fans for not joining in Sterling racial abuse
Following reports that four fans racially abused Raheem Sterling during last week's game between Chelsea and Manchester City, the west London club surprisingly banned everyone else in attendance, citing a 'lack of club values'. In a statement, the club affirmed it remains a fundamentally racist club and will not tolerate political correctness at Stamford Bridge. "We have a long history of racism (and misogyny) here at Chelsea, and it's disappointing to see our fans not gettin

Charlie Austin to replace Dominic Raab as Brexit Secretary
Football fans and politicos were shocked today as Southampton player Charlie Austin was appointed Brexit Secretary after his inspiring tirade on the need for VAR almost immediately led to its introduction in the Premier League. The Southampton striker launched into passionate post-game rant after his side fell victim to yet another poor decision which ultimately cost them three points in a 1-1 draw against Watford. Within one week of the rousing cockney-laden speech, Premier

5 Photos Of Martin Keown In His Natural Habitat
We've collected 5 rare photos of former footballer and current BBC pundit, Martin Keown, in his natural habitat! 1. Here he is enjoying some time in the shade and playing with his toes. 2. He's an avid climber... (Think the photographer caught him a little off guard here!) 3. Spending some quality time with his real friends. You'd never see Gary Lineker checking Martin for fleas! 4. Sometimes, he likes to hunt. (Watch out, ladies!) 5. Other times, he's pensive. Wonder what he

Phil Jones retires from international football for tragic reason!
Following Mesut Özil's shock racism-driven retirement, England defender Phil Jones has also decided to call it quits - you won't believe why! He's shit. #Football #PhilJones #MesutÖzil #Englandfootball #WorldCup